I just wanted to share my love and testimony of Jesus Christ. Of his amazing love and sense of what we need to guide us along our way.
About a year and a half ago I had some feeling come to me as I watched and interacted with Caden. A "thought" came to me, that all was not right with him. I know enough about child development that he was behind. At the time I was working at the gym with a girl who has 2 children with Autism. As I researched the most of the symptoms matched Cadens. I decided to wait and pray and watch. As time progressed I felt a stronger need to have Caden diagnosed. My pediatrician confirmed my feelings and asked me to go to a Child Behavioral Specialist. I did that yesterday and Caden has diagnosed with Autism. As I reflected on my feelings I felt a peace. A knowledge that the Lord had been slowly preparing me for this news. What an amazing blessing! As I think back of the small steps. My friend that was assigned to work the same shift with me. The chance to watch and gain wisdom from her children. The struggles and learning we've had with Brynlee that have prepared us for similar behaviors. I know the Lord loves us and is aware of our struggles, He aches when we hurt and does everything He can to lighten the load.
As some of you know I have struggled most of my life with self-worth. I am coming to understand that those feelings came from many instances of abuse starting at a young age. It disabled my thought process. I have a wonderful Bishop who I believe was inspired to call me in and by the spirit and have a heart to heart talk with me. This wasn't long after I had found out the my sweet Chayse had been abused. This brought up memories long ago suppressed, old scars resurfaced. He enrolled me in a LDS services group for women who have been abused. As I've attended this class I have had other memories surface. Ive learned that it is not good to brush these aside and move on because there is never peace. Much like cutting the top off a weed, it keeps coming back until the root is pulled out. This has been a painful but I feel it is an inspired program and one that will actually bring peace. This has been another powerful testimony of Christs love and awareness of me-even beyond my mask. And the testimony of a loving Bishop who is sensitive to the promptings that come to him.
I've also been blessed through making a good friend of a neighbor. She works as a office manager of several medical offices. After spending several years looking for a Doctor with the knowledge of Brynlees symptoms. Many docotrs mis-diagnosing and exacerbating the situation. Through my friend she put me in contact with a Pediactric Behavioral Specialist, she travels the U.S training doctors. After a month she diagnosed he with Asbergers sydrome, with anxiety and depression. No other doctor was able to pinpoint her diagnosis because she had several symptoms of behavioral disorders.
Going through these processes with Brynlee has prepared us mentally for Caden and hopefully built up our patience and tolerance levels.
We are by no means the best we can be, but we now have some tools and knowledgable people to help and guide us. I was reading the March Ensign today, there happened to be a article in there about a Mother who found out that her son has Autism: She says: "Enduring adversity means more than getting through it. With Autism there is no such thing as sitting tight and letting it pass or work itself out. There is no gaurantee that our son will push through to the next developmental stage or that he will grow out of his difficult behaviors. It is not enough to have trials and to get through them. We have to endure it WELL.
Also a thought from President Joseph Wirthlin:
"Come what may and love it"..."how can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can't- at least not in the moment. I dont think my mother was suggesting we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I dont think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneatha cloak of pretended happiness..."If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.
I love you all, thanks for your examples of rising high in the face of adversity. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts and work through my feelings. You are all such a strength to me.
Love to you all
